January 15, 2022

My poor sweet sweet Bella cat. (on the right)

I Found you at the animal foundation 3 years ago. As I walked by the cages of other cats, I heard you just purring away as you lay in your cage. You were just happy to be around people even while you waited in a cage for someone to select you. You had my heart right then and there with your pretty blue eyes and sweet personality. You were the sister to two of my cats one of which is looking around the house right now hoping to find you just sleeping in one of your spots. He senses something is different as tonight was the first time he has ever just come and sat on my lap to fall asleep. You will always be in his memories as you there with him while he grew from just 3 months of age. You will always be his big sister. I know he may have pestered you to be more active but he did not realize your health required a little more sleep than he did. I also did not realize your health issues until I took you in to get your teeth cleaned which required blood work. I was informed you had stage 3 kidney failure and the vet gave you possibly 3 months at most. That was 2 years ago. I did the best I could to prolong that diagnostic and I am blessed to have had you these three years. Even now, I wouldnt change a thing. I would still select you out of all the other cats with your loud purring and sweet soul. Im heart-broken knowing I will no longer hear you purring as you lay by my head as you have done over the years. I am sorry you were not able to pass away peacefully in your favorite spot at home as I had planned originally planned. Once you were home from the vet, the pain medications and IV fluids quickly wore off. The pain and agony you were enduring shattered my soul. I knew I could not see you like that or let you go through another hour let alone an entire night. The hardest decision I have ever made was to put you to rest peacefully and take away the pain and confusion I saw on your face and body. I do take comfort in knowing I did everything I could to help increase your health. You were very active up until the very end which came suddenly. One night you are purring and walking and the next morning I knew I needed to take you in and make one last attempt to add more time to your life.

I wish I could have made the decision when you were comfortable and sleeping warm in your soft cozy spot on your pillow. Who would be able to make such a decision while you seemed ok?. Maybe it would just turn out to be a phase you got through like before. Maybe the food you ate did not settle well. Maybe I would have more days to pet you and more days knowing you would be there waiting to anxiously greet me when I got home. Maybe one more Christmas seeing you nibble at the tree. I am so so sorry it had to happen at the vet. I am glad you got to see Sinji and your home one last time and he was able to lay next to you as he could sense something was wrong. I knew I had to take you back to the vet quickly and make the hardest decision ever.

As you lay in my lap in a soft blanket, and the doctor sedated you, for a split second, a weight lifted off of me as you calmly rested your head with no more moans of pain. The doctor gave me a few minutes to hold and pet you while you lay there in warmth and euphoria . Once that moment was up, the weight hit me even harder as I nodded my head to give the second injection. Your heart and breaths quickly stopped. Those were the last seconds I had with you. I wish you could understand words. I wish you could understand what was happening to you and why you were in such pain. The sweetest of souls and you had to leave so early in life. It is hard knowing I had to make that decision for you.

I will take comfort in knowing you were able to experience 3 additional years not locked in a cage for an uncertain fate. You did meet two amazing cats one of whom will always miss you as he is still currently meowing for you and sniffing your pillow. He was not this loving while you were away,being cared for the previous two nights. I am glad he was able to see you one last time even though you were hurting. I feel he senses something is permenently missing. Perhaps he can sense the energy. I take comfort in writing this to you not just as a pet but as a happy memory of the last 3 years. You were always happy and always near through good times and bad. You will always be in my memories.

Rest in peace Bella. I hope the life you experienced was filled with happiness and comfort.